Under The Volcano

I was reading a friend's post about the chaos in Iran, and he gently, but effectively put a face to the troubled people of Iran. This typically is the problem for us in the information age is that we don't see a face, we see multiple faces streaming past at a billion bits a second as we make our way through the issues of the day. While this seems on the surface to be a way of bringing the world together it is truer to say that, at its roots, it is having a more dehumanizing effect on us. It is encouraging to see the connections like my friends have to the people of Iran, or other friends of ours to peoples of diverse ethnic and ideological backgrounds, but there is still an ominous undercurrent sweeping away so much of what connects us.
While there is much talk and dialogue going on there is a sense in which we are constantly being asked to make a judgment call on all of these issues without ever having sat with the person involved to see who they really are. We are called upon to decide the answers for our generation and the next. We are called upon to perceive what we have not seen. Called to lay hold of what we cannot touch.
When I look around at the media we are surrounded with, so much of it is clamoring for our opinion. Reality television wants us to takes sides and decide for or against given the facts as we are shown them. News reports (they're unbiased???) purport to tell us like it is, and yet there always seems to be another side of the story that pops up somewhere else as the news hounds scramble for yet another angle to sell us. Blogs (including mine) seek to present what they feel is a more honest, in your face, take on things; a personal synthesis of all the stories and issues floating around out there. Even in the realm of the arts, there so many issues and ideas being presented to us with arguably the most powerful medium out there. Musicians, playwrights, actors, directors, and even their producers are pushing their ideas out there with ever more lavish trappings, and ever more subtle slants.
If your like me (mostly I pray you are not) your head gets spun around by all the 'stuff'. I end up emptied out of much of the empathy that is given me at the start of the day. Sadly all that is left for so heavy a price is a swiftly fading sense the rightness that shone out from the trail head of deliberation, discussion, and dialogue. The hope for justice lays down and looks me in the eye, voiceless by the glowing embers of today's news. Behind her eyes I see the faces of the people I passed on my way here.
We live under the volcano. We live with each other in the presence of our looming destruction. We live together.

A Few Thoughts That've Been Knockin' 'Round My Bean

I've been munching on a few things for a week now and finally needed to write it down somewhere. Please remember that these are ruminations and not necessarily conclusions.
I have been coming across a lot of stuff from within the Christian community that has troubled me very deeply, and I have been trying to take it to the Father rather than just snap at it. There are so many blogs and threads out there that are so full of frustration and anger that it can be dangerous to head out into the blogosphere without a slicker and boots for fear of getting nailed. Admittedly I have shot some out there as well, but the cooler head I am married to always points me back to the cross and prayer, thankfully. I grew up in a Christian setting and early on I became aware of the dislike that some Christians had for each other, but for the most part these were doctrinal differences and the people involved just kept their distance. There were some watchdogs out there who had radio shows that would inform their listeners of the offending members of the body in great detail. These were the exception, though, not the rule.
Today with all the communication technology out there it has all changed so much. At the same time as I am seeing so many finding common ground and working together on the central themes of their faith, there are so many who are launching attacks at the ones who claim the same faith. Again, I must say that I am not free from this melee, as I too have launched out with my teeth bared. Again I am glad for a wife who tugs on the leash or at least tells me to pay attention to the tugs on the leash. (I'm not sure she would like either description)
Our posts and websites have become like badges that we wear and the means by which we identify each other and where we all stand. Perhaps we don't even like the image of being portrayed by what we are putting out on the web, but it does not negate the fact that it is our cyber-image. I admit I have not wondered enough about what people might think of what I am writing or thinking, but it has not caused me to be truly thoughtful enough. That being said I still find that there are certain things here which have tagged me in the eyes of many, oops, a few, let's be honest here, five followers are not a crowd. There are things on their blogs and links that have tagged them in my eyes and others as well. Not necessarily the right thing, but there it is.
These days the pressing thought for me is how does all this weirdness connect? Amidst all the blog-lashings and rhetoric it seems to me that there is a truth that is pulsing so strongly that we dare not miss it. It is a pulse that comes from the throne, and it pounds the ground flat where we stand. It pounds it flat because the whole point is to bring equity and a personal revelation of ourselves before our Father. In my mind, sometimes, it plays out like we are a bunch of unruly kids who have just had their dad come in the room. What is our reaction? My first reaction is typically to declare my innocence and say that whatever misdemeanor I am being charged with was precipitated by someone else's action. What is yours? In the end, does it matter? Or does it matter what the Father will say once all the kiddies have dropped their toys and really paid attention to what He has to say?
The ones who listen to this voice, these are the people that I am looking for in my life. I want them to help me and teach me the better way. I have found some of these people here in K-town and I am so pleased to say that I have met some in Hong Kong as well. I have seen something in them that has been able to retain the truth of the gospel and the joy of it as well. They have shown me a way that is hidden from so many eyes because it is too revealing, I think. It has revealed so much in me that I do not like, and yet has also shown me the deep desires that lie beyond the reach of those detestable things in me. They have graciously offered me a hand up out of the armchair. I hope I will take it.
If any of this is too vague I apologize. My words can come out very pointed, and I wanted to avoid that here, if possible. This was actually meant to be a pointier post at the outset, so perhaps it all ends well after all.

little things and a great God

I was visiting a friend's blog this morning, and as Rick MacInnes Rae on CBC's 'Dispatches' always says, it put me in mind of a dispatch of my own. Actually this story always comes up when I think on the monstrosity of this world, both in the sense of scale and the sense of tragedy, because it reminds me of the even greater scope of the God who is over all. I need this story because it helps me feel both frightfully small and immensely significant at the same time, like a child looking up at his Father.
This story came upon the heels of our first great adventure as a family and the beginning of the downtime in between. It was in the suspended moment when we thought the 'fun' would just keep going on and that the adventure was what it was all about, and the moment when we discovered that it was all about falling into the yawning chasm that is the deeps of our God. It was the reassuring transaction with a Father who wanted to take my hand and just walk together while I struggled to let go of all the 'doing'.
Appropriately the story happened out on the vast expanse of prairies south of Saskatoon where we sojourned for three months before returning to Kelowna to begin the sojourning in earnest. The lodge that we were staying at had a large field spreading out from the road where you drove in, and it had been mowed regularly to allow the owner's son to use it as a driving range. I found this to be a wonderful surprise as I had a huge golf obsession back then and had purchased some new clubs when we lived in Shanghai. The cost of using them in China with my one day a week off work, wife, and three kids meant that they had never been broken in; except for that memorable father's day round of golf at Bin Hai Golf and Country Club, Shanghai. This was as dissimilar a vista as could be imagined from the manicured fairways and greens of Bin Hai, but the stubbly grass of the prairies suited me just fine, and the hours whiled away whacking and searching became a meeting place with my Father. It may seem odd to those who do not know me (please refrain from too much chortling Steve), but God often speaks to me through numbers, patterns, and circumstances, and the thing with the golf balls was no different. It was during one of these sessions that I had been wandering about the field looking for my balls, and had my favorite pen, purchased from a little stationery store on GuYang Lu, tucked behind my ear. When I finished up and readied to head back to the lodge I discovered that the pen was missing. There was no chance of finding it out in the huge field of six inch prairie stubble, so I chalked it up as a sad loss and headed in.
The next day when I had a chance to sneak out to the field again to whistfully whack (read: spray) some balls out across the prairie the Lord began to do that thing with the numbers and such again, just to let me know He was there. I know this was the reason, because to this day I cannot remember what the number thing was exactly, but I do remember that lying right next to a particularly significant ball was my favorite pen. I was stopped in my tracks by a little thing that my Father was all too aware of. A little thing that was important to Him because it was important to me. A little thing that was not important, beyond telling me that I was.
I recently told someone some of the things that God has done to make a way for my family to return to China, and in the telling I realised that the story of what He did is why we are going. The stories are not about getting my family there to do exploits, the stories are about why I am going. The stories are there to tell people about this amazing God who fills more than Hubble's weak little eye will ever see, and to let them know that He will also gladly fill the smallest spaces we will ever occupy. The stories are the currency, the money is just the ticket.

Tearing Can Cause Tearing

English is a funny language with many eccentricities that I am sure were put in place just to make what could have been simple appear to be more complex, and thus give the air of intellectualism. It's either that or a hodge podge of borrowed words and phrases that never really left their home languages. This leaves me with a blog title that may need some explaining, and an excuse to write that explanation, and even possibly come off as semi intellectual myself.
The first tearing in the title is referring to the inevitable, emotional letting go of things that are close to the heart. Actually 'things' is not the correct word because stuff is stuff, and it can all be replaced with more, and sometimes even better stuff. The tearing here is caused by the upcoming absence of people who are familiar, and very dear to me. The awareness of this is caused by the tearing, and the eventual tearing that happens in my eyes when I think on it for too long. You see the tearing (târng) causes the tearing ɪŋ/ Show Spelled Pronunciation (teer-ing).

Sidebar here. We just had a visit as I was writing this from our neighbours who are heading off to El Salvador and Nicaragua for 4 months, partially to do research and partially to visit family and friends. They have been absolutely wonderful people and a great addition to the nieghbourhood. Their kids have played multiplied hours with ours and their son and our oldest boy are best friends. We thought that we were not going to see them again before we leave for HK and they just showed up because they forgot something and we had the opportunity to see them and say a quick prayer with them. It is hard and yet if it wasn't such a blessing it would not be so hard. You can't have one without the other.

I realised this morning at church that I have a very large place in my heart for the church that my family goes to. It holds a place in my heart of not just familiarity and comfort, but it has the place of hopes and dreams that are not for me. This body of people is special to me and their future is very dear to me as well. We had someone come and share a message this morning that was a prophetic word for our gathering in particular. While none of what he said was new to my wife and I it was refreshing to hear it coming from the front. That doesn't mean that it has the big stamp on it or anything, but it does mean that the people heading things up are perhaps seeing what we have sen for a long time. Please don't get me wrong here, I do not think I have all the goods, just a strong sense of the piece of the picture I was meant to hold and hopefully reflect. Hearing this stuff gave me a renewed hope that is not for myself because soon we will be departing this place, but rather it stirred a deep longing for the people who have populated the seats and aisles next to me for the last ten or so years.
The leadership called for prayer meetings for the next four Monday evenings to corporately pray into what this all means for this group of people. As we sat around and worshipped our Father that first night I found a real wrestle going on inside of me. At the outset I asked the Lord what to do about the things I felt I was seeing that were awry (which things, if they were addressed, I felt may help to get some things on track). The only thing the Spirit said to me was "Shh". Most of the time I take this as a rebuke, and probably have been somewhat pouty as well, but this time I just did as I was told. As we moved into this time of preprayer worship the Lord slowly began to peel away some stuff that I cannot even identify, and my heart began to soften. I realised how easy it is to see the things that are wrong, and how desperately difficult it is to understand, from a human perspective, the way that God corrects those who are earnestly seeking Him. As He washed over me I began to see more clearly that the things He was saying were coming from a heart that is desperately in love with the people I was sitting with. This broke me afresh. I wept as I thought of leaving these people. I wept as I thought of the hope that God holds for them. I wept because of the tearing.
I thank the Father for this because it can become a simple thing to move away from people, and subtly throw up an emotional barrier to the pain we will feel if we truly desire the people of God. It is an all too common problem in the body. I thank the Father because I don't want to leave thinking I am better, rather that I am less than these that the Lord loves so much. From this place the tearing, and the tearing, will bring me to throne where we all belong together as a family.
By the way, while I was a snotty mess, and others were praying for me, someone else spoke out the truth of the word I was feeling inside. It was a word of blessing and hope...as it should have been.

The Age Of Persuasion...At Church??

Wow did they evr nail the church in the West on this one. Terry O'Reilly has a show on CBC that I enjoy very much called "The Age of Persuasion" which explores the whole world of marketing in our world today. It was only a matter of time before the popularity of the show would allow it to go where, as Terry says, angels fear to tread. I gotta admit, it's pretty close to the mark. OUCH!!
Maybe this has some hints on where we went wrong......hmmm.
Here is a link to the show if you have just under 30 minutes to spare. He is a very engaging speaker.
The Radio Show

Maybe I Should Let It Go

I hope this doesn't come across as a rant, because it is actually more of a bone I have been chewing for a lot of years as I am sure many Christians do. Money is hard to ignore as one forms their worldview and harder still if you are seated week after week in a local church. I don't know about you, but we are reminded every single Sunday for about five minutes before the plate (or in our case the planter.....seriously) is passed around. I assume that this is done just in case we have forgotten. Pretty hard to do when we are faced with its reality every day of our lives.
My thoughts on money have stomped around my head for a long while now and I found out how close they are getting to the surface when somebody poked that particular area of my "thought-o-sphere" yesterday. We were listening to a podcast from a church down in Simi Valley California and this guy was talking all about our finances and the kingdom in a way that I had never heard from a pulpit before. I actually cried as I listened because it was like hearing of a victory in a long fought battle that has raged to and fro for many years. VM day, so to speak. (Victory Money, right) If you want to listen to it you can download it at iTunes. Just go to the store and under podcasts do a search for Cornerstone Simi Valley, the message is the latest on and it is called "Living to Display the Gospel" by Francis Chan. My buddy at work said that he disagreed with most of what Francis was saying and that was all it took to get me going. I won't go into everything I said, because I am writing this before I head off to work, but the gist of it was that I am so tired of hearing us ask "How much is it OK for me to have?" instead of "How little is it OK for me to have?". Now you may say that the one word is just semantics, but is it really? That one word changes everything, doesn't it?
Please don't get me wrong here. I am not talking about tossing your wallet in a plate, or planter, every Sunday and walking out with a smile. I say that because, now I am going into the public confessional, I don't tithe. I haven't for years. If you want all the reasons why I don't, just comment on this and ask for an answer, I'll email it to you. I have come to believe that the Lord doesn't want my little 10% nod, He wants it all. What that means for me is probably different than what that means for you, but that is what I believe and in the end it is far more dangerous a belief than the old 10% rule. This has radically changed the whole direction of our lives and set our eyes firmly on heaven rather than a cosy retirement here. Besides, don't we tip 15% for servers? What do they do that my Father doesn't do??
Anyway the basic meat of this post is the difference between those two questions up there. Let them knock around your head and see what happens. Who knows, life might just get a whole lot more exciting!

Men Of Honour

The time is at hand for us to be moving on. China has been on our hearts ever since we returned from there in '04, and now five years later we are finally on the verge of going back. Right now it looks as though the move will happen at the end of May, but this is still contingent on a few things happening. The thing that put us over the top, and also spurred this post, was a substantial donation from a dear friend and mentor. When I was thinking about what he did, and thanking my Father for men like him it seemed appropriate for me to post a brief tribute to the men who have been in my life to help move me along the Way.

The first of these is Scott Fortnum who was my College and Career pastor back in Abby. Scott was the first pastor I remember who not only spoke to my potential in God, but he backed it up with actions. I was a very troubled and difficult person to get a handle on and yet he very purposefully took steps to see that I was getting discipled through the issues that were hindering me. This included looking into some things that were even somewhat doctrinally challenging for him, and when it became apparent that this was an avenue that had some merit he sought outside help and was there to help walk me through it even after I caused at least two aborted attempts to see it through. It is Scott's dedication and desire to see young men discipled in Christ that gave my life the first major push it needed in the right direction and I can honestly say that if not for his obedience to the call of God I may have ended up in a ditch somewhere back in my home town.
The next fellow that crossed my path was Dennis Melzer. This fellow kept the light in my eyes for the first year or so that I was in Kelowna and even though I was kind of the anti-Dennis in so many of my behaviors he persevered in friendship and prayer. He was instrumental in God positioning me for the big tackle. Though our friendship waned and we went our separate ways it was never due to any kind of conflict, it just seemed to be that he was the man that God used to pray me into the next season.
That season was the spring of '94 when a lady, who to this day remains nameless, prophesied over me and led me back to the kingdom for good. I am still not entirely sure whether this was the day I got saved or if it was the prodigal finally coming home, but either way it is the touchstone of my faith and the place I go back to when the storms close in. It was the Jordan crossing and I dearly love that little heap of stones that remains by the waters even now.
The next man that God put in my way to shepherd me to the places He had always intended for me to go was Kerry Donovan. For some reason that I can only attribute to God, Kerry picked me out of the crowd of God-rockers in Kelowna to be the next wag to move into the Joshua House which was a loose association of young men who wanted to be mentored into a deeper relationship with Christ. I cannot overemphasize the impact this had on my life's direction. Seeing Christ lived out in the life of Mr. Donovan has been a lasting impetus for direction and action in my life. Kerry always lived out the faith that he spoke of, and when you live with someone for 2 1/2 years you surely get to know if they are for real or not. His dedication to mentoring young men in grace and truth is a cornerstone of my desire to go to Hong Kong and mentor the young men of the Christian Zheng Sheng school. His emphasis on character over personality still resides in me today, and is a large part of what helps me get up again when I screw up. Kerry and I are still best of friends and I always look forward to chatting with him about what God is teaching us today. We are thousands of miles apart, but I still feel that we fight side by side. I thought it was so cool that God gave him a dream about a year before we heard about this opportunity in Hong Kong and he said that in the dream I was leading a squad of young men in the jungle. I sent him these pictures and asked if this was close to what he saw.

The last man I will mention is a friend who believed in me enough to tell Alman Chan (the principal of the school)about me and my family's desire to return to China. Unfortunately he and his family will be moving to the mainland shortly after we get to HK, but at least we will be in the same timezone again.
His name is Steve and he too is following God as best he knows how. I guess this is the uniting attribute of all these guys.
I am so very grateful for the influence, commitment, and friendship each of these guys have poured into my life. I know I would not be who and where I am without them.
Thanks guys.

Typhoon Season

I guess we'll have to get used to this just like all Hong Kong residents, but wow, what a change from the Okanagan Valley. Might have to take up windsurfing.
The first video is of Typhoon Hagupit the edge of which struck Hong Kong when I was there in September at my friends' place. The second one is of a typhoon pounding Cheung Chau where we will be living.




The storm got much worse that evening and we could even feel the tower my friends live in shudder every now and again. It was a pretty cool experience really and they were very nonchalant about it all, but were obviously peeved by all the water getting through the windows. Next time I think I'll go for a walk, or maybe some sidewalk surfing, who knows.

Over Halfway There!!!

I just had to do our taxes this year as I was expecting a fairly good return from last year. We just got our T4's at work and I finally did the hard part tonight and the total we are getting back puts our total at 51% (you can follow the counter on the sidebar for updates). This includes cash in hand and committed funds. This is exciting news for us and it really seems to pull the curtain back just a little bit more. Kind of like spring after a long (if you're from Kelowna) winter.
I shared with a friend at work today about the journey that God has had us on ever since we have been married and it was good to look it over again from that perspective. It is somewhat like reading through the bible and realising that the stories we read have so much more spaces between the lines than there is life lived in the lines. Our lives have been so much like that with seasons of God just downloading on us and moving us around the globe at what sometimes seemed to be His whim. In between, though, there have been much longer seasons of holding patterns and 'cloudy sky' waiting. Abraham knew what this was like. He tried to make it happen and had Ishmael. God actually gave us the leeway to call the company that I worked for in China back in '04, and nothing happened. I think He just wanted to assure us that that door was firmly shut. I can thank Him now, but it sure hurt back then (that was 2 years ago). I thank Him because we don't have an Ishmael now. I thank Him because He let us see.
So now we work towards the goal of getting to Hong Kong this year and He encourages us everystep of the way. He really doesn't have to, but He does anyway. He's a good Dad. I love Him. I want to show Him off to the boys in HK. I want them to know they can have a good Dad too.

Mario As A Family Cohesion Substance

So we have been playing Super Mario Galaxy with the kids for the last month or so and have found that it is actually a pretty cool interactive kind of activity. It does lack the shoulder jarring athletics of some of the Wii family of games, but we all have fun. The latest breakthrough was when Sammy finally collected enough stars to get the observatory flying through space again. The excitement was off the charts as Sammy came charging upstairs to declare his final victory over the evil Bowser. What a moment. That was just today so now he has a whole new realm of galaxies to explore and levels to conquer, most of which will require at least some parental aid. Drat, you mean I have to play Wii again =] .