Saturday, May 22, 2010

Who's Your Daddy?

It is a strange thing to set your feet on the land you have dreamed of for so long, even if most people here do not consider Hong Kong to be part of China. The PRC government says it is, so that is good enough for me.
We waited for five years to be back here. During those years we went through many times when we just wanted to chuck the whole thing and see if we can simply make a life for ourselves in Canada. I had a great job with a premier renovating company where I was one of the lead hands. The town we lived in was a beautiful place to live and many people would have considered us lucky to be there. Of course there were also many times when the desire to be back in China was excruciating. For all of those years we felt a certain sense of inner loneliness as we struggled to make ourselves understood to those around us. This included family and friends, all of whom let us know that they loved us, but it was always difficult to connect in that place of dreams.
Being here now seems much different from how I thought it might look. It was to be expected, because following God is always full of surprises, but some surprises really cause you to grab Daddy's hand, if you know what I mean. Part of being here that is really hitting home for me now is a deep loneliness that takes hold every so often. I knew times of this back in Canada, but this is different. There is nothing truly familiar to take hold of, and no one familiar to really talk to. Worse yet is the fact that I have never been a man of many friends, always I have sought deep friendships over surfacey acquaintances. This causes issues because the surfacey stuff is actually necessary for getting to the deeper things.
All this is just to get to this one point. Tonight I was feeling particularly isolated, and decided to do a little bible reading. This evening I was in 1 Samuel and the passages were telling of David's fleeing from Saul. Something stood out to me this time. There was one time when David ran to find Samuel, and when Saul sent men after him to bring him back for execution the Spirit of God fell on them , and they all began to prophesy. This happened with the next batch of soldiers, and eventually with Saul himself. The strange thing that happened next was that David ran from that place. He ran from the place were the abiding presence of God manifested in a supernatural gaurding of his persn. He ran to find Jonathan.
I believe I am also running to try and find a Jonathan. Perhaps I should not be. Perhaps it is time to stay with the presence of the One whose eyes can search my every depth. The One whom I cannot fool. Not to be too cold, but perhaps I should be looking for the Spirit of the living God to fill me instead of a human friendship. This is truly the most difficult hurdle in coming to this land of dreams.

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