Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Frustrated Again

I don't know about you, but I get regular cycles of frustration. They are not at all predictable. They are not at all fun. They are the kind of thing that I think, in the good times, should be so easy to avoid, and yet here I am.....again. They are also not connected to being in ministry, because even when I was working 9 to 5 those cycles still appeared.
It becomes a time when I feel like I am tied to a dart board and the enemy can just hurl away with the darts. I feel like I am a million miles away from the Father. I feel like lifting my eyes to heaven is like lifting weights with my eyelids. I feel like I am failing.
There was a program on TV tonight, and it was an interview with Che Ahn. I have never seen him before, but I have heard the testimonies like his before. The power testimonies. You know the ones. They get you all charged up on God and then you end up wondering," Where is that power in my life?". The cycles I go through have a lot to do with exactly this phenomenon. After a while I will finally tell myself that the Father loves me. He is using my life for His glory as He sees fit. This brings on a long period of joy and overcoming, but after another season of seeing the sick unhealed, ineffectual preaching, no real prophetic insights, it begins to get a bit depressing. All it takes then is to hear one of these testimonies or even to remember them. he wheels begin to come off.
I talked to a fellow man of faith who is doing spectacular things for the kingdom in a difficult place. I would have thought that he would have "arrived" in the circles of those who go out to preach the kingdom. During a time of prayer for him and his wife he asked if we could pray for the power of the Spirit for him. He desired to see healing for people rather than just sending them to the hospitals. Of course they were supplying the funds and transport for the people to go, but he still felt that acute lack in his testimony. I know how he feels. I hold on to promises that have not yet seen their fulfillment. There are many more things I want to see by the hand of my Father than what I am seeing these days.
I guess that is all I have to say for now, except that the picture below reflects the fact that I still believe for more.


Amrita said...

Brad don 't forget our enemy is very active against us.

I feel like a dart board many times also like a wet towel and a door mat to boot.God 's grace keeps me together otherwise I 's fall aprt.

Keep going brother. Our trials fertilize us.

Pasha said...

I know exactly what you mean Brad. You feel like something is missing, that God intends more in our walk with him than we currently see or experience. I feel this too. I also know that there is more and that we will see it. Don't give up, cry out to God and tell him you want to see his glory shown. This is what I am praying and believing.