Sunday, December 05, 2010

NWFF Take Me Home

My wife and I are sitting on the 5pm fast ferry back to Cheung Chau after an afternoon wandering around Causeway Bay. We picked up a few items for Christmas and basically enjoyed each other's company for a few hours. It is so cool how you can be in an environment that could be high stress, and yet with the right person everything just seems to shine instead. It's like that with me and my wife. We really enjoy these little outtings where we just toodle around some areas that we already know, or maybe even a new area, and we have no set schedule or specific destination. The time is there for each persons little rabbit trails to be explored, because the time with each other is what really counts.
When we sat down for some ramen at Ajisen Noodlehouse our conversation turned to some of the spiritual doldrums I have been finding myself in of late. We have both been through them so she has been very patient and prayerful during this season for me. This allows me to process through the issues with her very constructively rather than always having to beg for the time to talk. A good bowl of spicy Tom Yum ramen doesn't hurt either.
Perhaps it was exactly this setting that helped me reach a critical realization in my ponderings about the "out of season" funk I've been grooving in. The reason for all of this peacefulness and ease is the love that my wife and I share that has been forged through some great and some not so great seasons of marriage. It is because of this love that we can flow together. Love has made a way for us. Love too, desires to make a way with me. Love personified in the Trinity.
I stopped at this thought for the rest of our meal, and have been ruminating on it ever since. First love. First love is what Christ called the perfect church back to in Revelations 2:1-7. First love. True love. The love that sprang out of a heart that knew there was no way it should ever taste forgiveness even as it overflowed like ice cream on a toddler's chin. True love that caught its breath when the lover's eyes filled its gaze. The days when being called a son of the Living God made me feel like I could do anything. The days when all of this was so much more than just a chant or resitation at the beginning of a prayer, and I could know it with only a thought.
I feel that I have let much of this first love cool. I think I have traded much of its worth for the position it first offered in places of service, like the artist working for the bottom line who wonders where the passion went. This isn't a difficult thing to do, and it can happen in so many different ways.
If you are like me it may cool to an ember. If you are a more choleric person it may manifest in a lot of doing without a lot of loving. Either one is wrong, just look at the letters to the church in Revelations. The real question is how to get to the heart of loving my God once again. The obstacles are all those things that want to get me doing it for the wrong reasons.

No comments: